it seems i have too many hobbies and responsibilities ... so I have combined all (with the exception of work) into one blog, check me out when you have time ...
http://musingsoflittleme.blogspot.com/
Take care!
Teresa
this post is strictly mine ... i love to share pictures about the boys and our lives together, but i am going to take this one just for me.
it seems everything has been whirling by as if i have been in a tornado of thoughts, action and time itself.
life is precious.
and not nearly long enough.
this is the year i will turn 35. for some reason, i really feel like it is the middle of my life, like i am some how passing that imaginary threshold into the second half of my life ... maybe 70 just seems like such a nice round number ... not really sure why. it is not fear, that spurs my invigorated resolve, but a concern for the time remaining.
it seems the approach of the end the beginning of a new year always incites introspection.
am i the person i want to be?
have i reached the apex of my personal possibilities?
have i attained the characteristics i hold in highest esteem?
am i selfless?
i am blessed ... but i am not yet where i need to be ... once again, i have fallen well short of my personal goals and expectations. this is sad, but i am not low. there is only improvement to be made.
hope is the beauty of life.
will is its strength.
with this new year - i will become more like my Savior.
i will track my success and report, not the details, but the joy in my heart.
so, anew i write today with fervor and hope ... here is to a new year and a better self!
This past Wednesday we went on an adventure to the Wild Animal Park in Escondido with Mama & Papa Hayden, Auntie Ashley & Jack-a-baby!
Just inside, there is a beautiful bronze statue of a Rhino ... on the way down to the park, Evan kept saying he was going to 'ride on a rhino' ... this was it! :)
Josh spent the ENTIRE time in the stroller - poor kid! But Evan was in & out!
Me & My little sis, Ash!
The gorillas were so interesting and 100% CREEPY!!! The one closest to the camera kept watching us! I wonder if he thought we were creepy, too!
All of the boys! They didn't last sitting here so nicely very long.
In the middle of the park, there was a nice grassy viewpoint where you could catch a glimpse of the bigger animals in the remote parts of the park. We came here to "rest", but the boys ended up wrestling! Thankfully, only 1 minor catastrophe ... a small bloody nose ... but didn't bleed too much and he was back up and running within 1 minute!
Lucky boys, Mama & Papa Hayden treated the boys to a ride on the carousel! Evan wanted to see the elephants (and kept reminding us for most of the day) so it was fitting that he chose an elephant to ride!
Poor Josh was beat by the end of the day! What a total cutie!
This Halloween we did things a little differently. We all went trick-or-treating as a family which was really nice. Usually, I am stuck at home passing out candy as the boys go out knocking on doors with Dad. It was so fun to see the boys excitement. Nick - was our sprinter - he would run up to the door before everyone else and lasted about 45 minutes. Tyson wasn't always fastest to the doors, but he was the last one ready to call it quits! Evan was so excited. He could hardly believe that if you knocked on someone's door and said "trick or treat" that they would really drop candy into your bag! It was amazing to him!
So here are my little "trick-or-treat"ers ... Tyson was a Jedi Padiwan. Joshy was Superman, Evan was a Pirate - the eye patch, earing and hook, didn't last very long ... we weren't far into the trick-or-treating before he just looked like a kid with a skull & crossbones bandana on his head ... side note, we lost that somewhere in the neighborhood, too. Nick was a zombie. This was a very last minute costume. I was in the middle of sewing a mummy costume for him the night before when Evan grabbed my rotary cutter and cut his finger. After two hours at urgent care - he is fine by the way and unstiched - we were late to the ward party and Nick had to wear his vampire cape from last year. Saturday was so full, that I never found time to finish it. The flip side ... at least we know what he will be next year!
It was a very interesting night, to say the least ... here are some of my observations of how Halloween has changed since I was a kid ...
1) Parents didn't have bags ... yep, I saw several parents coming up to the door with their kids asking for THEIR bags to be filled as well ... TOTALLY WEIRD!
2) Girls costumes covered more ... every time we passed a girl that wasn't dressed up as a disney princess, I would hear "I am so glad we don't have a girl" from John ... it seems the disney princesses were THE ONLY modest costumes for girls.
3) Some parents dressed up ... mostly mothers and please, refer to #2 ... horrible.
4) Parents didn't walk around with Beer in their hands ... these parents were always nice and happy to be out and about, but seriously now, they are walking down the middle of the street with children dressed up, the streets aren't well lit (but the parents sure were) and they didn't seem to think being impared is a bad idea? I actually passed a guy pulling a wagon full of ice and beer ... a walking misdemeaner?!?! Great examples for their kids - not to be too judgemental, but come on!
5) Not many people gave out candy ... maybe it was the recession or maybe I just grew up in a great neighborhood, but it seems only a fourth of the homes had their front porches lit.
6) Haunted Houses ... gotta tell you, this was great! Some people really went all out and it was a blast!
Even with the weird things, Halloween was still a blast and I was so happy that to hang out with the boys!
It seems I have been struggling for sometime now ... we all do at different times during our lives, and this just seems to be my "off" time. One of the hardest things for me has been my perceived distance from the spirit and the Savior. I have prayed and prayed, seen small miracles and still felt so far away from Christ. Looking back at my life, I can see the times when I have been close and I could never seem to find the reason for the great chasm between my spirit and the Savior ... well, I have finally been enlightened.
My Step-Mom, Sister Lisa and I all went to "Time Out for Women" this past weekend, presented by Deseret Book. Never having gone before, I wasn't really sure what to expect. Friday night, seemed like a bust as it was mostly music and I think we were all yearning for something a little meatier! We ended up leaving early and goofing off with treats (LOVE OLIVE TAPENADE, by the way ... seriously, my favorite!!!). We watched The Proposal, which fit the chick-flick requirement in the girls club bylaws and just relaxed.
What I was hoping to accomplish was just to take a step back, re-evaluate and take stock of my life. This is essential for me every once in a while, just to keep myself in check. After the bummer of Friday night, we went to Saturday's conference with the agreement that if it turned out to be more of the previous night, we would leave early and go sit by the pool.
Saturday turned out to be exactly what I was looking for. I heard some of the most amazing presentations and had an epiphany! Yep, a true epiphany!!! I realized that (due to a very spiritual and enlightening talk by Brad Wilcox) part of my chasm ... part of the spiritual sickness in my life was because my own view of my Savior was limited and incomplete ... let me rephrase ... I realized I was LIMITING his access and influence in my life.
I have always taken the scripture to heart ... for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do. (2N 25:23) ... but rather than revelling in the grace, I have always felt strongly, that it was "AFTER all we can do" that the Savior comes in ... I realize that I was viewing the Savior as an "in case of emergencies" rather than a companion and friend. I realized that I was severely limiting my relationship ... I started imagining what it would feel like to only call my Family members when I needed something from them ... what kind of relationship would that be?
When baptised I took upon me the name of Jesus Christ. I made the decision to be his. I became his partner in my own salvation. He did all of the work, all that is still left for me is to walk hand in hand with him through the rest of my life.
After so long ... I feel renewed. I feel hope. I feel peace. I feel blessed.
During Sunday dinner last night, John asked the boys where they wanted to go on their missions ... here are the responses:
Tyson - Japan or Kentucky (KY because of Kentucky Fried Chicken ... we don't eat a lot of fried chicken, so he must think he'll get more if he goes to Kentucky!)
Nicholas - England, like Dad
Evan - CostCo ... must be the "try-outs" calling his name
Joshua - John suggested Iraq and this doesn't really seem like a far off possibility ... if the 2nd coming comes before then ... which I am really hoping for ... it will be nice to see the Savior again, this time with Mortal eyes ... get prepared everyone!
So, not really sure why 2 of my sons mission desires revolve around food, but so be it!! :)
Not that I am trying to be entertained by someone else's exasperation, but ... I do feel relieved, almost elated!
I was walking in Target (side note: where i get the craziest looks and it is really humorous ... people can't believe that I have 4 kids, let alone 4 boys ... way too funny!)
Anyway ... back to walking in target ... when I came across a Mom explaining why they weren't going to wait for a flu shot ... something about it taking too long, longer than they were originally told ... and to my complete joy, her son was arguing back, basically telling her that he understood and she didn't and she was wrong ... again, these are not his words, these are my way to describe the underlying thought in his remarks ...
Now to the joy part ... it was this point, I realized, that it is not just Tyson and I that have these SAME conversations ... I had long since wondered why my 8 year thinks I am such an idiot. But now I realize, it isn't just him ... and I feel comforted in the fact that other sane, competent mothers are going through the same inane conversations trying to logically prove a point to a young, illogical mind .... I love it!
WE MADE IT!!! Or at least almost! 12 days of John being gone and 11 nights of me sleeping with a big wooden bat next to me ... seriously, not even sure that I could swing it hard enough to do any damage to anyone in the event someone breached the security of my deadbolt!!!, but I guess an intruder dying of laughter at me trying to defend myself with a 100lbs. bat is still dying ... back on subject ... HE IS ALMOST HOME!!!
I have always been thankful for my husband (some days more thankful than others :) )but I have definitely realized how much of a team we are and how much I depend on him. It seems like eons ago that he left - so much has happened since then ... amazing how much happens in 12 days. I have always been one of those girls that loved the idea of marriage, even though I had serious commitment issues, I never doubted the idea that through a marriage two people grow together and become a whole, much more stronger than they could ever be alone ... kind of like a couple of flashlights being paired together and becoming a lighthouse light, rather than just a bigger flash light ... if this attempt at an analogy makes any type of sense. I don't know how single mom's are able to manage ... well, scratch that, I think I do and at this point, I just thank my lucky stars and a merciful Father in Heaven for one of the greatest blessings in my life ... John.
Well, anyway, here is to a happy Wife, now that her husband/best friend is almost home! YAHOO!!!
Just read this book, it was a short read and beautifully almost poeticly written.
It is one of those books that is going to stay with me for a long time. Did I enjoy it? Will I read it again ... not so sure. Through it one can really gain insight into another life or lives ...
Set in Kabul, you see how prosperity, hope, compassion, literally die under oppression. The idea of forced participation and forced integration into someone else's belief system is so foreign to us in the US as it is the exact opposite of the notion that so joyously gave birth to our country.
What is so interesting to me is the greatness of God that I have seen through this book. Not only, in the blessings I personally have, being a citizen of this great country and being sealed in the covenants of God and having his gospel truths ... but before that ...
I don't think one can truly understand what was at stake in the war in heaven if lucifer had gotten his way ... the harshness of this realization that it probably would have been close to what I saw in this book, is stupefying. Without the growth that comes from making our own good choices and growing from them, we would find no more satisfaction in life than pebbles in a stream, completely content to let the water roll over them or push them here or there at it's will.
Without freedoms, we are condemned to be acted upon which results in the retraction of our good character rather than its splendid growth. Human nature it seems filters this powerless feeling of being acted upon into aggression over those limited choices individuals do have ... human relations, respect and compassion.
So, why is this book still something that I am pondering ... questions still linger closer to home ...
1) do i truly appreciate what i DO have?
2) am i teaching this appreciation to my children?
3) are my children feeling this freedom or do they feel oppression from me? do they have enough room to grow in their delightful free agency in the limited sphere that i give them? or do i need to easy up ... (there is an easy correlation in this book to all walks of life, speaking specifically about children, we have all seen through the eyes of personal experience to children oppressed - verbally, physically, mentally abused, often - that act out in horrific manners as bullies, frustrated by the lack of compassion, free will and hope at home)
4) - MOST IMPORTANTLY - the divine blessing that is service and compassion ... through these two acts, we are able to see and promote the best in our world and well as men in general (meant as a species - although men do need more help than we women, do!! :) )
What an amazing gift this is, this life. So much to learn so much good we can do.
A little about Evan ...
We were looking for something interesting to do outside this afternoon and found the Botanic Gardens at UCR. I HIGHLY recommed it! It is free to the public and has some really good trails. John was amazing and took Josh & stroller off-roading on the more rugged trails and we all had a great time. It was beautiful. Probably even more amazing in the spring, but well worth getting outside for a while.
Evan with his Botanic Bingo - these free sheet were really cute, but didn't last long.
The boys inside of a wooden "green house".
There were turtles!!! It was so neat to see them. There were probably about 15 or so. It was so fun. The boys were enthralled.
Chocolate covered Josh 
I want to write a few observations about each of my sons, mainly to keep the memories fresh and for the future when I eventually make this into a memory book.
So, I will start with Joshy. He is such a joy. He is an easy going child by nature and definitely a lover. He will cuddle with me more than any of the other boys did at this age. I am not sure if this is my memory or due to the fact that he is content to look around and take everything in. He isn't like Evan, who is always busy and in such a rush to do anything and be in the middle of everything.
Josh also loves to be outside. He would rather be outside doing anything than inside. He is also rather quick and has started sounding more like I imagine a Pterodactyl would sound, than a boy. He voice is normally quite deep and resounding. But he is so pleased with himself that he can get around on his own - what wonderful freedom! - that he has started screeching a little. It is very cute.
While outside, Josh loves to roam and is especially facinated by Tyson's skateboard. This is a little worrisome, but we'll keep an eye on him.
Joshy also has the cutest, genuine smile. He is quick to laugh and likes to join in when the rest of us are giggling about something. His joining in is a source of amusement to us all and tends to extend the laughing.
