The HEATON clan

It seems I have been struggling for sometime now ... we all do at different times during our lives, and this just seems to be my "off" time. One of the hardest things for me has been my perceived distance from the spirit and the Savior. I have prayed and prayed, seen small miracles and still felt so far away from Christ. Looking back at my life, I can see the times when I have been close and I could never seem to find the reason for the great chasm between my spirit and the Savior ... well, I have finally been enlightened.

My Step-Mom, Sister Lisa and I all went to "Time Out for Women" this past weekend, presented by Deseret Book. Never having gone before, I wasn't really sure what to expect. Friday night, seemed like a bust as it was mostly music and I think we were all yearning for something a little meatier! We ended up leaving early and goofing off with treats (LOVE OLIVE TAPENADE, by the way ... seriously, my favorite!!!). We watched The Proposal, which fit the chick-flick requirement in the girls club bylaws and just relaxed.

What I was hoping to accomplish was just to take a step back, re-evaluate and take stock of my life. This is essential for me every once in a while, just to keep myself in check. After the bummer of Friday night, we went to Saturday's conference with the agreement that if it turned out to be more of the previous night, we would leave early and go sit by the pool.

Saturday turned out to be exactly what I was looking for. I heard some of the most amazing presentations and had an epiphany! Yep, a true epiphany!!! I realized that (due to a very spiritual and enlightening talk by Brad Wilcox) part of my chasm ... part of the spiritual sickness in my life was because my own view of my Savior was limited and incomplete ... let me rephrase ... I realized I was LIMITING his access and influence in my life.

I have always taken the scripture to heart ... for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do. (2N 25:23) ... but rather than revelling in the grace, I have always felt strongly, that it was "AFTER all we can do" that the Savior comes in ... I realize that I was viewing the Savior as an "in case of emergencies" rather than a companion and friend. I realized that I was severely limiting my relationship ... I started imagining what it would feel like to only call my Family members when I needed something from them ... what kind of relationship would that be?

When baptised I took upon me the name of Jesus Christ. I made the decision to be his. I became his partner in my own salvation. He did all of the work, all that is still left for me is to walk hand in hand with him through the rest of my life.

After so long ... I feel renewed. I feel hope. I feel peace. I feel blessed.

During Sunday dinner last night, John asked the boys where they wanted to go on their missions ... here are the responses:

Tyson - Japan or Kentucky (KY because of Kentucky Fried Chicken ... we don't eat a lot of fried chicken, so he must think he'll get more if he goes to Kentucky!)

Nicholas - England, like Dad

Evan - CostCo ... must be the "try-outs" calling his name

Joshua - John suggested Iraq and this doesn't really seem like a far off possibility ... if the 2nd coming comes before then ... which I am really hoping for ... it will be nice to see the Savior again, this time with Mortal eyes ... get prepared everyone!

So, not really sure why 2 of my sons mission desires revolve around food, but so be it!! :)

Not that I am trying to be entertained by someone else's exasperation, but ... I do feel relieved, almost elated!

I was walking in Target (side note: where i get the craziest looks and it is really humorous ... people can't believe that I have 4 kids, let alone 4 boys ... way too funny!)

Anyway ... back to walking in target ... when I came across a Mom explaining why they weren't going to wait for a flu shot ... something about it taking too long, longer than they were originally told ... and to my complete joy, her son was arguing back, basically telling her that he understood and she didn't and she was wrong ... again, these are not his words, these are my way to describe the underlying thought in his remarks ...

Now to the joy part ... it was this point, I realized, that it is not just Tyson and I that have these SAME conversations ... I had long since wondered why my 8 year thinks I am such an idiot. But now I realize, it isn't just him ... and I feel comforted in the fact that other sane, competent mothers are going through the same inane conversations trying to logically prove a point to a young, illogical mind .... I love it!

WE MADE IT!!! Or at least almost! 12 days of John being gone and 11 nights of me sleeping with a big wooden bat next to me ... seriously, not even sure that I could swing it hard enough to do any damage to anyone in the event someone breached the security of my deadbolt!!!, but I guess an intruder dying of laughter at me trying to defend myself with a 100lbs. bat is still dying ... back on subject ... HE IS ALMOST HOME!!!
I have always been thankful for my husband (some days more thankful than others :) )but I have definitely realized how much of a team we are and how much I depend on him. It seems like eons ago that he left - so much has happened since then ... amazing how much happens in 12 days. I have always been one of those girls that loved the idea of marriage, even though I had serious commitment issues, I never doubted the idea that through a marriage two people grow together and become a whole, much more stronger than they could ever be alone ... kind of like a couple of flashlights being paired together and becoming a lighthouse light, rather than just a bigger flash light ... if this attempt at an analogy makes any type of sense. I don't know how single mom's are able to manage ... well, scratch that, I think I do and at this point, I just thank my lucky stars and a merciful Father in Heaven for one of the greatest blessings in my life ... John.

Well, anyway, here is to a happy Wife, now that her husband/best friend is almost home! YAHOO!!!